Time for some just-before-bed rambling, though I think the danger of posting something I’ll regret is minimal.
Been feeling kind of cranky for the last day or so. (I won’t get into the why; that’s a separate issue that I should deal with, since my tendency is not to deal with such things at all.)
But anyway, what I wanted to talk about was my propensity to try to capitalize on that sort of thing.
Like many people, I’m more productive — far more productive, and creative, and willing to stay up late working on things — when upset. Wired recently did a piece on how this may have worked wonders for Apple. And I’d definitely say my output the last day and a half has been pretty great.
I don’t like that this happens. Thankfully, I’ve stopped going out of my way to willfully upset myself for the sake of increased creativity… but I’m wondering if capitalizing on being angry when it organically happens is just as bad. It makes me value being upset. It might serve as a disincentive to, say, repair the situation that’s causing this.
See, I knew this was going to happen. I knew yesterday morning that, at some point yesterday afternoon, something was likely to happen that would make me cranky.
So while I’m confident that I’m not, by my own actions, getting myself into a heightened emotional state anymore, I may still, by inaction, be willfully allowing this to happen, and continue.
Maybe.
Just something to think about for a while.
So… I’m worried now that I can’t tell when you’re upset at all. I know I had my regularly scheduled ‘I wasted the weekend’ breakdown yesterday, but I didn’t notice any reaction from you.
and I really hate thinking I made you mad.
don’t hate me?
*hugs*
Aaaw…… you didn’t make me mad. I was cranky already before that. I don’t hate you!
by the way, I love your font.
I want to write longer comments just to see the pretty font. Pretty pretty pretty font.
Let’s make pretty things together! <3
Wow, it sooo doesn’t work that way for me. When I’m pissed off and upset, I’m done. My concentration is pretty much shot and any motivation I might have had to solve a problem is gone. All I can do is fixate on how mad I am. But that might just be my special blend of neurosis.
On the other hand, I was never more creative than I was in late college and high school, and I was always mad or contemptuous about something. Maybe a low simmer is needed for me to keep creatively fueled? Creativity used to be an escape, an outlet. Now I just get power surges rather than a slow trickle of electricity. Pardon the mixed metaphors.